If I could sum up my previous dating experiences in a single phrase, the above line from an old country western song would be it. Needless to say, I’ve dated the wrong way- the world’s way. I’ve tried online dating, blind dates, and “shopping” for dates at the local bar scene. But the problem with my dating blunders wasn’t so much the places as it was the looking.
Last week, I talked about where to place our focus (on Jesus) whether single or attached. Well, the problem with dating in the way I’d experienced before was that it first caused me to take my focus off of God and start looking to and fro for a person. Mistake #1.
As the title implies, looking for love in all the wrong places leads no where. It only brings more heartache. As they say in the real estate business, “location, location, location!” Mistake #2.
Many years ago, my dad said, “If you look for a husband in a bar, you might find an alcoholic.” Boy was he right! I met my son’s dad at a bar, through a co-worker who I worked with at (you guessed it) a bar. He was an alcoholic through and through. He always wanted to go to the bar on weekends, drank 6-12 beers 7 nights a week, and when I was ready to settle down, he was still out carousing and partying. He was the life of the party. And the charisma and charm that drew me to him at the bar became harsh words and heavy drinking in our home. My dad had tried to warn me with a common sense quip. My dad was right. I should’ve listened. Mistake #3.
Several weeks ago a single friend of mine asked if I “put myself out there” and where does a good christian girl meet a good christian guy. Short answer: not the bar! I’m not saying EVERY person who goes to a bar is an alcoholic. Nor am I saying every person who goes to church is a saint. However, the odds of meeting someone who is authentically seeking God are far higher in one than the other.
Now I can hear someone saying, “Stop everything! You want me to look for a date at CHURCH?!” Yes. And no. You’re probably imagining singing songs during a worship service while looking up and down the rows of people, hoping to see an eligible bachelor that makes eye contact with you. And right there during the chorus of “How Great Thou Art,” you give the call-me-maybe hand sign.
No. Don’t. Just stop.
Let’s back up for just a moment. My parents have been married for nearly 40 years. They have one of the most beautiful relationships I’ve witnessed. They adore each other to this day and are true life partners. They’ve been through a lot and they have never bailed on each other or hurt one another intentionally. Guess where they met? That’s right. Church. Now, they weren’t hunting for partners. They were in a Bible study together; strictly friends for a year before they ever talked about taking their relationship to the next level. Then they dated for a year before my dad FINALLY proposed to my mom.
The beauty of their story is that they were friends FIRST. He knew her background. She knew his character. They had the same circle of friends, so there were no surprises. He knew she wasn’t going to turn psycho out of nowhere and she knew he wasn’t going to turn out to be an abusive jerk. There were no facades to try to impress one another. It happened naturally and S-L-O-W-L-Y.
Don’t start trolling your church foyer. That’s creepy. You should be attending church to learn more about and draw closer to God. First and foremost, keep your priorities straight. Do get involved with things that are important to you. Serve at your church. Volunteer with ministries and organizations where you feel you can contribute. Enrich your life with things that matter and when God’s perfect timing strikes, the right person will notice you.
It’s not so much about searching for the right person as it is about focusing on God while becoming the right person. Then and only then can He open your eyes to see what’s right in front of you.