How Will I Know

Women especially have been asking the above question since the beginning of time. How do you know if he really cares? How can you tell if it’s really love?!

The reason so many of us have asked the above questions is because we can’t stand the suspense. Am I right? I hate the feeling of not knowing. The endless “what ifs” can plague me to no end! I want all the questions answered and details filled in almost from the beginning of a spark. All that needless worrying does absolutely no good, though. It’s wasted energy.

Something I have learned (very slowly and with much repetition) in all my years of studying the opposite sex as well as studying God’s word is this: All things will be revealed in due time.

If you’ve been following this series on singledom and dating with dignity, you’ll know that finding a partner God’s way is different from the world’s way. We are called to be holy, set apart for His glory. That means we should control ourselves and even behave counter-culturally.

When I get the feeling that someone is interested in me romantically, modern society would say, “Take the bull by the horns. It’s 2017. Not 1950. Ask HIM out. Ask him point blank if he likes you. You’re a strong, independent woman…” And so on.

First of all, there is nothing in the Bible that specifically addresses women asking men out on dates. There’s not even anything in the Bible about dating at all due to the culture and time in which it was written. Dating wasn’t a thing. (I would even argue that “dating” as we know it still shouldn’t be a thing.) The Bible tells us plenty about interpersonal relationships. It spells out clearly how men and women should behave, what love looks like, and what good character is. It even has an entire chapter describing the ideal standard of a woman. If you want to write the ultimate To Do List, read Proverbs 31.

So technically, there is no biblical rule against a woman asking a man out. That is to say I don’t believe it is a “sin.” But it can be a major turn off.

So if a guy is acting like he’s interested, but you’re not getting a clear read, in my experience, it’s one of 3 things:

  1. He’s just not that into you. Harsh. But sometimes true. You might be misreading the signals. If you start chasing this guy, you’ll lose a friend and look desperate. Nobody wants that.
  2. He’s still trying to figure out if he likes you. Ladies, we have intuition on our side. We’ve talked to woodland creatures and daydreamed about the one day when our prince would come. (Or was that just me?) At the very least, you can figure out fairly quickly if you’re attracted to a particular guy. However, that is not how the male brain works. They aren’t as closely in touch with their feelings (not hormones; feelings). They have to analyze and assess. And sometimes it takes them a minute to catch up. If you start chasing this guy, he might get spooked or you’ll force him to make a snap decision that won’t fall in your favor.
  3. He’s waiting for the right time to begin to pursue you. He likes you! And he knows it. At this point, it will be glaringly obvious to most women. But if you’re one of those people who needs all of the answers right now, don’t spoil it. Let him lead. Enjoy the tension (if that’s possible). If you start chasing this guy, you run the risk of him changing his mind.

Bottom line is this: If a good, honorable man wants to pursue you, let him do the pursuing. This kind of man is above board and will let you know where he stands as soon as he figures it out for himself.

Conversely, if a man is clearly flirting with you, but not making an effort to talk to or pursue you and significant time has passed, he’s just stringing you along. Men who string women along for extended periods of time would not be considered men of good character in my book.

Exercise your patience muscle in this situation. If that’s a struggle, then the best thing you can do is hand it over to God and ask for divine wisdom. God will reveal all things in His time. But for the love of everything good and holy, don’t force it.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” Philippians 4:6

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