“Will you be my daddy?” my five year old begged as she looked up at him with her big, hazel eyes. It would have been far more adorable and less mortifying had I actually been in a serious relationship with the man she was soliciting. I could have died. Luckily, the friend in question is a good sport. We all had a good laugh about it.
Kids say the darnedest things. Or so they say. One thing is for sure, it’s never boring! Getting involved with a single parent will surely involve blunders like the one described above. Especially if they have an outspoken, daddy issues laden young child like mine. My sweet girl has longed for a daddy since she went to daycare and saw other little girls being dropped off and picked up by their daddies. To this day, she is on the hunt for her daddy.
My older sister often reminds me that it will take a pretty amazing man to step into our family. And she’s right. But as my mother reminds me, it’s less about a “perfect man” and more about the “right man,” showered with God’s grace.
It’s hard enough to get to know someone when kids are always around, interrupting, playing, climbing, crying, and interjecting obnoxious comments. It can feel very circus-like. And then when mutual attraction is established and ground rules are set, the kids get comfortable enough to ask when the wedding will be or if the potential suitor may henceforth and forever be called, “Daddy.” On the other hand, I have recently acquired the nickname, “Miss Hannigan.” After all of this, if the gentleman is not running for the hills, screaming in terror, we may have something to work with.
Of course, the plus side is that having kids that do not have functioning filters allows me to “separate the wheat from the chaff.” A man who can’t handle reminding my five year old about personal boundaries, probably doesn’t want to get involved with me. And if a middle schooler’s awkward jokes about “K-I-S-S-I-N-G” seem a little too real, he might as well drop out. The guy who makes it past my kids may actually have a shot at getting to know me. Only the strong will survive.
More than that. The man who understands both of my polarized children and how desperately they want to be loved will have a fighting chance. A man of strong, godly character and a willingness to lead this crazy three ring circus would be a special find, indeed. I don’t want someone who just tolerates my kids to get closer to me. Instead, I am waiting for God to send a man who loves my crazy kiddos as much as he cares for me. He will take an interest in them and be willing to not only befriend them, but also lead and guide them. He will see them, not as a hurdle or nuisance, but as part of an adventuresome package deal.
Pursuing a single parent is wild, challenging, and unpredictable. But it can also be so rewarding for the man who is led by God to be the head of a pre-existing household. There is a dynamic already in place that just the right man could enhance and cultivate into something pretty special.
I’d like to hear from the other single parents or former single parents. Comment below with the craziest thing your kid(s) said to a dating partner.